Dear World: Food
This article is pending translation.
There are a few certainties in life, aren't there?
But another thing that's usually a certainty is that we all, as humans, have a need to eat. The joyous procedure where man must consume something in the intention to gain energy to do stuff in the future, like playing tennis or arm-wrestling a pantomime horse. Your average Thursday night in Blackpool, I think you'd agree.
Anyway, my relationship with food seems to be against the norm. By that, I don't mean that I spend my Tuesdays cuddled up with some bacon while singing Barry Manilow songs to said foodstuff. I'm not ready to take that chance again.
Recently, I have been called a social hermit by a friend of mine. Now, I do not think of this as an insult, but I think the same goes to my feeding habits. I am, in many ways, also an eating hermit.
Allow me to explain, dearest world.
Ever since I can remember, I have eaten alone. Well, not on Christmas or important days like a birthday. But even then, I'm just the anti-social baboon that sits at the end of the table, eating with haste in hope that the meal will end soon.
I could be anywhere. A meal with friends or family, a McDonald's as we have a break from the road, even when I eat a sandwich on the train as I come home from university, it's all the same.
Even in the comfort of my own home, I find it difficult to eat in front of my family. Apart from Christmas and maybe one time when one of my sisters decide it's time to show off that someone's a year older by eating somewhere else, I always eat in my room. Even on CLIC Weekenders, I've eaten in my room for about ninety percent of the meals.
Honestly? I'm nervous. And paranoid.
I don't say that and try to imply that I am a disgusting eater, doomed to consume foodstuffs alone due to my horrible facial expressions as my teeth breaks down my meal. Nothing like that.
I don't know why I feel like this, and as I said, it's with everyone. Whether it's my best friend or my parents, I just feel extremely awkward eating in front of anyone.
And that almost always brings up the question, "Why do I never see you eat?"
Which, indeed, is a fair question.
Not only is it because of my social awkwardness of eating in front of people, there is one major factor that rules my eating habits. And for this, I shall use a saying that my great grandfather used to say. According to my mother, anyway, "I eat to live, not live to eat".
I have this thought where if I don't feel hungry, I don't feel the need to eat. If there's one thing I hate, that is eating when I don't feel like it. And this has kind of ruined my time table of meals.
Some days, I seem to eat normally. Breakfast at seven, then lunch at one, ending on a lovely meal at eight in the evening. But other times, I only eat once a day or even not at all. And yet, I still feel fine. No hunger alarm sounds in my brain, no need to fill my mouth with carbs or anything like that.
When I used to explain this in school, some fellow students used to think that I was anorexic. And I was, and am, far from it.
I had, and still have, what scientists claim as an average body weight. I was never underweight. It just seemed to me that they just saw my non-eating and instantly had that word imprinted into their minds.
It somewhat continued in university, where some of my fellow students used to assume that I was an android, only consuming energy via a docking station. They really didn't understand how to stop with the terrible jokes.
But do you know what the weird thing is? If I do feel a bit hungry, and I'm working, busy, or even around someone who's eating or if I see food, I suddenly feel fine. My hunger seems to implode, and disappears. It's hard to explain, but it just goes, only to return about twelve hours later.
I know this isn't healthy. I know that only eating when you're hungry is potentially bad for my being. I know that shying away when it's my time to consume food is bad for me socially, especially if I ever have a romantic relationship with a female and she suggests to eat out somewhere.
But I can't help it. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, and it seems that I'm the only person who has this thought when it comes to food. It's not anything that other people have done; it's all down to me. I just hope that others around me understand that I'm not being a pillock in a dustbin, like I'm insulting them for not eating while they are around.
I don't know, world. Maybe things will change in a few years. But then again, I said that a few years ago, and look where I am now.
I thank ye, world.
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