Hurt
As Mud's version of Lonely This Christmas plays on the TV, it couldn't be more accurate for me.
I fell for you. Fell for you hard and I know I'm just a teenager but our feelings - they get so mixed up and our hormones dominate our bodies and minds and right now all I can think about is you.
You don't feel the same way and I understand but you just don't seem like you care about me and my feelings - only yourself. I feel so hurt, so upset and alone.
This New Year's Eve when the countdown begins and people sing Auld Lang Syne I'll be curled up in bed with my earphones in blocking out the world and just thinking about how stupid I am and maybe rethink my opinions on you.
Maybe you're not my Romeo or my Prince Charming. Maybe you are just like any other guy I know: heartless, ignorant and just not caring. I need to forget you but I can't.
"It'll be fine darling," my mum keeps reminding me, but she doesn't understand. Nobody does. They say they do but they don't. Not unless they have special powers that clones my feelings into them.
I feel like the whole world is against me and on your side. Like I'm in a long, hard, painful battle. It kills me inside. It does.
All of this is dominating my life. I'm in pain. I can't sleep, eat, think or do anything. I feel like there is no hope for me ever. I just want to curl up in a ball and stay there. Forever.
If you have been affected by the issues in this article, you can talk to Meic.
IMAGE: Pink Sherbert Photography
5 Comments – Post a comment
ToWriteLoveOnHerArms
Commented 5 months ago - 14th December 2011 - 14:52pm
Such a beautiful article. I know how you feel. I like a guy that is a year and a half older than me. He doesn't understand. I think us girlies are slightly more sensitive than lads. Or we show our emotions and they hide them really well.
Do not, under any circumstances, let this ruin your Christmas. Blast the Chrimbo Chunes, Scoff the chocolates, curl up with a hot coco while watching the films and the soap specials, be thankful for your family and just enjoy yourself, doll, because men are not worth it (may I just say, I am not being sexist, boys, but sometimes you can hurt us as we can with you and we just can't let you dominate our lives) and your family and friends are
Whenever I'm heartbroken, my dog is the one who is by my side. I think dogs are better than relationships. No offence to people but I do.
Ihavethecyrusvirusx
Commented 5 months ago - 14th December 2011 - 15:18pm
Great article. It's really well written. But as @ToWriteLoveOnHerArms said, don't let it ruin your Christmas. I know I wouldn't. I lost a friend 2 years ago and it made the first Christmas for me horrible. I was really down in the dumps and it felt like it was all a horrible nightmare. But last Christmas and this one, although it still hurts, I don't let it take over. I fight the pain (that sounds like some wrestler would say...) and get on with it.
People are not worth it at all. Although I didn't lose my friend by choice (she passed away), I won't let it get me down forever- she wouldn't want me to. And I'm sure this clueless boy wouldn't want you to have a Blue Christmas (sorry, I had to get that in there), either. If he does, don't let him win. Shove your two fingers up (I know I shouldn't say that, but tough, I am) and make it your mission to enjoy.
You should try dancing to Sir Cliff's Mistletoe & Wine. It's really fun and you feel a complete numpty but it's a good laugh! One year I want to film all my friends and family dancing to him. No idea why, but I do.
And the bit about dogs, ToWriteLoveOnHerArms, I couldn't agree more. Mine is so loyal and she's always there for me when I'm down. When I was ill and I was sitting in the bathroom feeling poorly, she laid by my side until I felt better. Dogs are the best.
But yeah, don't let it take over your life. That's an order!
My friend, Tash, played me this before when I was down. It cheered me up. Have a listen.
Merry Christmas x x x x
Stormer007
Commented 5 months ago - 14th December 2011 - 23:28pm
I assure you that when you think people don't understand at all, that's when they understand the most!
Miss_Survivoroxoxo
Commented 5 months ago - 20th December 2011 - 14:33pm
Thank you for your kind comments. It is so painful for me. I don't want to let it ruin my christmas but nobody is listening to me. That is the reason for me writing this... to vent. He is so amazingly amazing but he is a total pratt right now. I could thump him. ToWriteLoveOnHerArms & Ihavethecyrusvirusx, I shall try my very very best. I also asked for a puppy this year and the reactions my parents have been giving me seem very promising. If I do end up having one then I shall be cwtching up with the puppy all the time and just do whatever I suppose. I hate the feeling. I really really hate it. I wish someone could take it away from me.
ToWriteLoveOnHerArms
Commented 5 months ago - 20th December 2011 - 15:36pm
I know it's painful, hon, I've been there. This is where love sucks. And when you have to toughen up. If you act like you are strong infront of others, you will soon believe it yourself. I think both boys and girls can be pratts. It'd be good if we had like a big meeting at a table (like loads of females and males) discussing our problems about one another and talk about it and bring peace, but sadly, that's not the way the world works.
Awwwwww if you get a puppy, you must take photos and upload them to here! I need to see! I'm a sucker for all things cute! Stay strong, honey and remember, you really are not alone. There are so many people going through things similar to you. A lot stay silent but you were brave enough to let it out. This article may very well help someone who is being quiet about something like this realize they are not alone, chicken, so well done and we are all here for you X